Coffee, Shoes
and Spare Key
Fade Into You
by Gregory Alan Isakov & Sylvan Esso
Paper Bags on the Kitchen Floor
You sit at the kitchen table, peeling the paper label off a tin can. Your thumbnail catches the edge, tearing it into tiny, irregular strips that you line up next to the salt shaker. I watch the deliberate way you keep your head bowed, focusing entirely on this meaningless task. There is an entire life happening right behind your eyes, a heavy, quiet place where you keep your actual self locked away from the rest of the room.
We walk to the grocery store in the early evening, and you always walk half a step ahead, your hands shoved deep into your pockets, staring straight ahead at the pavement. It is like you are navigating a completely different street, one filled with obstacles I cannot see. Sometimes you stop mid-step, your gaze fixing on a discarded receipt on the sidewalk, and the emptiness in your expression becomes so dense it swallows the noise of the passing cars.
I have started matching my breathing to yours when you fall asleep. I lie awake on the far side of the mattress, listening to the rhythm of your chest rising and falling, and I inhale only when you do. It happens slowly, this quiet erasing of myself. I stop buying the bitter coffee I like and start brewing your mild roast; I leave my shoes lined up exactly the way you prefer them by the door.
Tonight, you are standing by the sink, washing the same ceramic plate over and over. The tap is running, splashing against the porcelain, soaking the cuffs of your shirt. You press the heels of your hands against your temples for a long moment, breathing out heavily through your nose, before turning around and giving me that same practiced, hollow smile. I do not say anything. I just take the damp dish towel from the counter and start drying the spoons.
The Spare Key on the Table
The next morning, I wake up before the alarm rings. The mattress beside me is already cold, the sheets pulled back in a messy tangle. I walk into the hallway and find your heavy winter coat missing from the hook by the door. On the table, next to a ring of spilled coffee, your house keys sit perfectly aligned with the edge of the wood.
the long shadows and quiet corridors
Billie Marten
"Mice"
Bedouine
"One of These Days"
Mount Eerie
"Real Death"
Tiny Ruins
"Me at the Museum, You in the Wintergardens"
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